„You were in a lion fight. Just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar.” Dr. Richard Webber.

Life is a Competition, life is a lion fight and we are the lions. Damn it! And I lost the contest where I expected the least.. history. Reality forced me to admit that the borne sufferings forces me to hate and to despise the idea of Competition. And when you think how much hope you put in it, and right now you found out what does participation really means, that you aren’t the only one who wants to win, to realize that there are many others with a stronger desire than yours…a lion fight…that quality of a real player that you haven’t harnessed at it fully potential, exactly what you missed…a fucking point broke you up with your future colleagues. This point learned you something and namely that the mind is a fucking box which you must open it and start to search, try to find, try to analyze yourself and see what the fuck is wrong with you??? And I think that, I must keep the good things from this experience with me and throw away the bad ones, because the days pass quickly I say to myself, the days are just like moments you have to live them, because they go very fast…bad memories I must erase them, try to follow the good examples that happened to me, and all these things give me courage to go further.

A labyrinth that you haven’t managed to solve, a puzzle without three pieces, so chin up, others were better than you in this Competition, put your shoulders back, walk proud I tell to myself, strut a little. It’s not the time to lick my wounds, I want to celebrate them. These wounds, these scars that I have now are the sign of participation…I was in a lion fight… just because I  didn’t won this time, doesn’t mean that I can’t, it’s not over, the world is still spinning. I know I can, Nas used to say, I have taken this vow when I decided what I want to do with my future. I don’t care what people say around me, I don’t want to get into polemics with them, because they weren’t like me in a cage…attached to the idea of all or nothing, chained like prisoniers, captives. It’s in vain to say ourselves that we aren’t animals, because we don’t distinguish of them in any way, maybe just physically. We like to tease, to be mean with each others, but all these are nothing compared to what I endured in this Competition.

I’m grateful that I have a second chance, because I know I deserve it…just because I made a mistake it’s not over, but I’m not the only guilty you know. I’m not as good as you, maybe I haven’t the proper personality to be with you, I know that I’m not hardened as the others…I get that, I get it, but I’m Excellent at this job, I have all the qualities which recommend me and I won’t quit until I saw me on that bloody list. As we like to think that we are rational human beings, conscientious, civilized, thoughtful, but when things fall apart like this year, even just a little, it becomes clear – we’re no better than animals. “We think, we speak, we dream, but deep down we are all still like them biting, clawing, scratching”. I must always remain determined to do changes, to evolve, it’s essential to learn to handle my own, because the time showed me that I must be more simple, more secure on certain values. I try to learn on the go and this thing makes me insecure, because life is pointless if you don’t do what you love, so I struggle to give life a sense…just like animals in a fair Competition.

Quotes goes to Season 4, Episode 12: Where the Wild Things Are from Grey’s Anatomy.

Change is inevitable as the saying goes. I woke up in the morning and after my daily routine pushups I start to read, and I love to the last word what I could write at midnight. It have been made one, two, now I have dozens of pages, thousands of words that describe my life in pieces. I feel like in a movie, like I want to return in the past to live once again all that beautifull events that happened to me, but unfortunately I can’t. Only if they were all the same, but life isn’t perfect at all, some just do not deserve to remember it, eventually everything is tied up and each has its own purpose, just like in a puzzle … All the pieces matter…and I start feeling useless in front of them, I want to do something and I can’t. I see myself sitting there in the dark have a look at all those movements that happen before my eyes and nothing more. I made a habit of it and I can’t believe is true, it was really me who wrote these pages I wonder, because it’s about my life, I feel like a deja vu, and I can’t do anything to change it. I can’t do some touch-ups, change a row, maybe two to put you in my life forever. Maybe i need a Change you know, sometimes Change is everything. And I think which could be the next step…I immediately need a plan, and I hope it won’t take me by surprise again because my reaction would be the same. This time I don’t want to crack, I want to adapt, I want to remove this border once and for all between us. Me one, that Change scares me, I don’t like it, but I must adapt to Change, or I get left behind. Maybe I will succeed eventually and then I can say that sometimes Change is good.

We saw last night the fucking Perseide meteor shower and it was amazing, so amazing, because I never saw a  shooting star before. First we went on the hill at the monastery, then after the police kick us out on a very good reason, private property, we hit to Priseaca (bad place) and then to Dragomirești (good place to watch stars), where we settled on a field and we start counting the meteors. I saw six stars, Cip saw twenty something, we let him win because it was his birthday, btw happy b-day again mate, IcSs hadn’t give a damn about the stars, he stayed in the car almost all the time and after a short time I joined him, because it was cold, and I start to freeze being just in my shirt. I should have taken a long shirt, anyway, the food and the drink were good, because it were free, the stars were extraordinary and also free. What a night it was! We even beat the hungarian team at football. Precious moments, precious memories. About the wishes, I’m not naive to believe this bullshit, for real wish granting, probably you need lots of money, not big balls of gaseous fire, but I don’t know maybe is good to be sometimes naive, so last night I was naive to.

I never been so dizzy or maybe drunk? in my life like last night. Blame that bloody whiskey and that good  green this is what I’m talking about for this fucked up situation. Even now my head hurts, but I’m awake after I puked again in this morning hmm lays and popcorn yummy the perfect start to open the day. The hookah was good and no more spaghetti pretty please, it makes me sick to my stomach, ffs I even had nightmares. This movie was cool, well at how dizzy I were probably any movie would had been funny. Woohoo!! Maria all the way baby, all the way. That was definitely the best hangover of my life, so when will we drink again?

Looks like Dan (by the way dude have fun at the seaside, I hope it hasn’t rained like here) is excited to read what my neurons can do. This week was a total boredom, especially at the news where the topics were the earthquake, which SHOCK it wasn’t in Vrancea and the rain that turn the Bucharest fifth sector in Marian’s Little Venice.

Now I can officially say that summer has come, I get again into that phase when I’m watching TV series in stupidity, Mircea Badea had taken vacation, TVR makes me look again at Grey’s Anatomy and I entered on bat mode, going to bed somewhere at 3am. I just added to my list two new series, Californication which I have seen before you could say Jack Robinson, it were two seasons after all and House M.D., which Mișu recommended me a year ago but because of school I hadn’t got time for it, but now after fourteen episodes I can say YES it’s worth all the money. Californication enter on the same line with Prison Break, I never stopped until I finished it, I mean I could die looking at these two series. When I hit play it was just me and Hank Moody, me and Michael Scofield and nothing else matters. What food, what toilet, what parties I was like those who died playing wow (I know it’s old, but I didn’t know if I’m not in the theme and I start laughing when Edy told me). I start to watch Prison Break during the school, together with C, it proved a bad idea at the time. Afterwards the breaks and even the hours from school were full of discussions about the Scofield’s break out, it was like: man fuck the school, Scofield is the shit!! Same was with the smoking @Bobotzzz, where Dan came to me and said: “Dude why aren’t you shoot into the chest, you ruin this fuck…wonderful cigar!” And the inevitable happened, dizziness from cigarettes and beer made me throw up all the fries that I had eaten. And I felt good after, we started singing Green Day and Vank. Yuhuu! The moment when Dan opened the fridge and starts eating it was pure gold. And no, we aren’t sorry that we had emptied your fridge and ate all the fries, we are glad that it lasted as long as we felt good. Pleasant holiday to you mate in Ireland or where the fuck are you!!

For me it’s a punk-rock summer, just like in the good old days and it makes me feel again like in the ninth grade. This is the reason why I recommend this alternative/indie/rock/british Match Of The Day album  (click here to download), probably the best selection of split tracks that I ever listened. It’s a must have collection not only for me, but also for those who listen to this kind of music. These songs have appeared in the past seasons of the show, a show that I had watched four years and counting without interruption. Following it, I realized which is the team whom I love and you all know the name. Among the artists who appear on these two CDs are Kasabian, Foo Fighters, The Ting Tings, The Enemy, Oasis, The Killers, Editors, Pulp and The Clash. When I listen to them I remember the times when I had long hair and converse in my feet, believing that they are the most comfortable shoes on the market and the cool thing is that girls loved that british look, even now I can’t figure out why, what attracts them. Nowadays when I see these stupid bikers or rollers in the park I realize how awkward I looked at that time, but then I don’t cared because girls were attracted to that weak and goofy lad and why lie I really like that. This rule no longer applies now, and when you think how cheap I was going then, converse were the cheapest snekears out there, no hairdresser, no daily walks in the city, no renting rooms at the hotel, no mountain and seaside holidays every weekend. That was life back then.

This is it, thank you all for the support and for the comments to my first post and I just want to say I wish you all a summer full of fun, lost nights and as many girls as you can, because this is only the beginning of a long and unforgettable summer. Money be with us!! See ya.

P.S. Hotel California by Eagles is a quite nice song. xoxo to arpagic 🙂

After a year guess who’s back on the big screen? Elbu is the name and he still loves the police. Nothing has changed since I left the blogosphere, the motherland is the same. How I got to  open a new blog? It’s like this and like that and like this and uh: after a discussion with Dan and Edy and at their insistence I finally decided to come back. It seems that they have convinced me in the end to open willingly a blog. I want to mention from the beginning that the articles will be entirely in English, their purpose is primarily to develop my creativity and my expression in this language, and in the second row, who knows what my future books? Maybe I want to choose a career in journalism. About what I may write I have no idea, the fact is that I will try to write at least one article a week. And one more thing very important to me, those who will read my posts I ask them to correct me for any mistakes committed, any thing how small  is and I am opened even to suggestions.

Regarding the domain of my new blog, everything started from elbulbazar, suggested by Edy, which I have adapted in a way that I liked and so it went Ublesaur. The header of this blog is about the evolution suffered by Bulbasaur from level 16 when is transformed into Ivysaur and at 32 in Venusaur. The question mark will be replaced just over a year with my evolution, hopefully with what I want, when I get at level 48. And I hope with that I said everything.

And here it ends my first post in english, with the hope that this year experience has changed my perception about life in a good way. I became more realistic, I learned to do everything up to the end not with half measure and with time I hope I appreciate these moments to their true value because I have a dream and that dream it’s to replace the question mark to what I want. I hope that I’ve made a glorious entry.